Reflection of the future

            When people ask what I intend to do upon graduating from a B(Ed), my answer often leads to one of the many: a cringe, a raise of the eyebrow, a pregnant pause, and most typically, a “Why ar?”. My answer drew out much cynicism on how Malaysia has not any hope left...and racial discrimination, politics and different ideologies within the government are the main reasons for their cynicism.

            I want to make a difference. That was the essence of my answer. Some intend to do so with students, our future, I choose to do it with teachers. Think about it, if a teacher can have the power to both bore or interest a class of students on a certain subject, think what it can do when they influence and make a huge positive impact in terms of analytical thinking, opinion forming, nation building etc! The potential outcome can be immense!

            Being idealistic has its merits and drawbacks. On one hand it fills a soul with much energy, enthusiasm, passion and motivation. This comes in very helpful and hopeful when it comes to nation building – especially in education. Undoubtedly, we need more of these sorts. However, being idealistic can sometimes cloud reality. And reality is cold, hard, painful, difficult and can be senseless – especially in politics. (Ugh)

They say to fight the system is a mieh~! But sometimes the only way to change the system is to get into the system. Yet for my mother’s well-being, I am not allowed to get involved in politics. Once I’m in, there’s no turning back. Dash.underscore.dash.

On a side note: Thankfully, I, with many other fellow young Malaysians still believe that she can still be salvaged. Despite the energy, enthusiasm, passion and belief we hold and the idealistic views we strongly live by, we are constantly reminded to be realistic, often to prevent disappointment and waste of effort. Most of the times, naysayers are telling us off.

In order to illustrate how many of us are out there thinking alike, both hopeful yet angry when expressing our fight for our beloved land. See what we’re fighting for here.

            I was told to dial down my energy, enthusiasm to fight for Malaysia. Mind you, not to get rid of, not forget about, but dial down for now. Why so? For the very simple reason, I am only one person. Bear with me, it is not about the quantity here (well, not entirely).

I am only one person who has all these energy, enthusiasm etc., just a fresh graduate, with plenty of ideas, but only bootstrapping. Clearly, this is not enough! So, what about postgraduate qualifications? Even after completing a Masters and a phD and some substantial years of teaching experience, it is still insufficient. Throw in about a hundred more like me it is still not solid.

BUT! If there’s thousands, along with YEARS of exposure OUTSIDE Malaysia, and experiences teaching and dealing with anything education related, ONLY THEN it is possible. The reason behind this is that when we have got all these experience, a proper plan can be structured and formed. This can then be presented WITHIN the Ministry of Education and only then we can be heard and be given a chance. Because then we would have not only credentials, but experience and background – we are at most, something!

Being heard is predictable! They would probably love the idea, say that it’s something definitely very good for the country’s future education, and it can shape the young mind’s thinking, changing economic growth in the long term, increasing interest in the teaching profession and maintaining sustainability in education yada yada yada. The problem is, (also predictable) is getting pass the political ideologies within the system, stepping on ministers who have a-hem, years of experience in handling the curriculum (curriculum is a political ideology here too) toes, and of course the racial discrimination.

I am obviously not psychic. Just considering the plausible outcomes and this is me being relatively realistic. What I can say is that at least I have thought about it and that when it happens, it happens! Deal with it one step at a time. And at least it will not be a complete shock when I encounter “unanticipated consequences blah blah blah”.

The good news that remain is I have many years and opportunities to explore and experience. From there, I continue to learn and adjust ideas and plans, but still focussing on the goal. So what if the despite all attempts, it is a dead end? That after all the years, it is what people have been saying: it’s not worth is, it won’t work, it won’t this, it won’t that – essentially realising what people have been so cynical about?

I…go elsewhere to make a difference! In students, in people’s lives, other people who welcome the effort, and I still can feel warm and squishy on the inside. Who knows, I might end up finding much satisfaction from teaching a small class, knowing that I’ve tried my all! In the end of the day, what I’ve gained is the extensive background which practically make me in demand wherever I go!

With the many qualifications I intend to accomplish, throughout the many places I intend to expose myself to in the many years to come, and the many people I will meet and learn from, I am set for a very comfortable life – financially (none of this nonsense about teachers being underpaid. If you’re good, people are willing to pay.), emotionally and intellectually.

            For now, I ought to study and have fun! I was initially told to study hard but it turned to an “Er, for you, don’t study so hard ar, have more fun and tone down the energy and everything. Just give your dream and goal time, this is something that cannot be rushed or compressed. Only after all the adventures you get, we plan and talk.” I was glad that I was not discouraged and demotivated, but talked to sensibly. I am prepared to be both disheartened and excited in the future, and accept that this is the kind of hurdle I will have to face to get to where I want from where I am.

Lecturers and personal tutor, prepare to have plenty of talks with me. I am going to need it.

-potatoes-